


Dirk Strider: Third Grader, Happy Meal Lover, Wing-man.

by KarkatVantabulous



Category: Homestuck
Genre: College Kid Dave Strider, College Kid Karkat Vantas, Dave is taking care of his little brother Dirk, Dirk is a little kid, Dirk is a little wingman for his older brother, Fluff, Humanstuck, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-24 05:48:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8359600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KarkatVantabulous/pseuds/KarkatVantabulous
Summary: Dirk may be an eight year old and he may not know whether sweat glands produce spit or not, but he sure does know how to help his brother hook up with the possibly Super great grandson of Shakespere and writing God Karkat Vantas.





	

"Stay in here, okay?" Dirk gave an exaggerated sigh but nodded. Dave, his older brother, was having someone over. A _special_ someone to Dirk's understanding and Dave didn't want anything to be ruined. Not that Dave didn't trust his younger brother but sometimes Dirk, like most younger kids, blurted out things without thinking.

"Thanks buddy, and I promise when he leaves you and I will go out and get that super rad robotics kit or whatever it was you wanted. Hell, I'll even let you choose our dinner for us." Dirk grinned adorably and nodded.

"Don't worry Dave," the younger boy gave his older brother a thumbs up, "you'll do fine! And if you don't I can always make you a robot boyfriend! And he'll be a bajillion times better than CandyCat!"

"It's Karkat dude. And thanks for the offer but I don't want to make out with a robot, it's weird metal lips would get rusty with how much saliva I produce." Dirk made a face of disgust, letting out a little 'blugh!' sound. Dave rolled his eyes. "Hey don't blame me for the amount of spit I produce, blame my spit glands or whatever the fudge makes spit."

"I think it's your sweat glands Dave!"

"Bull heck. Sweat glands make sweat. Right? Or do they make spit too? Fudge, are spit and saliva the same thing? Dude, holy fudge, are spit and sweat the same thing?"

"I dunno, I'm only eight!. You're the one in college! You know everything!"

"Right. I know everything. And my infinite amount of knowledge is currently telling me that a certain little spiky haired dude needs to get his little tush the heck out of here before I lose a golden opportunity with a hot dude."

"What's the guys name?" Dirk asked curiously, his bright little eyes followed Dave as he continuously zipped across the kitchen and living room, cleaning up everything in sight.

"Karkat Vantas. Not CandyCat. Karkat. He's like, the smartest kid in my creative writing class but a fudge ton." Dirk giggled. "What? It's true. He uses so many goddamn words, I've never even heard half of them. Facetious? Corroborate? Zenith? The hell do those even mean? The dude's a goddamn thesaurus. And the way he writes? He's like Shakespeare's great great great grandson or something like that. Not to mention he's pretty attractive. Like...fudge, I don't know. Like the lovechild of every single physically attractive celebrity that has ever lived."

"Is that good?" Dirk tilted his head.

"Heck yeah. He's a goddamn god- a writing god. He says he wants to go into writing books and stuff. Screenplays maybe. I honestly believe he could do it too."

"Ohhhhh. Okay cool." Dirk slowly slid off the chair and went to go plop himself down on the couch where Dave had already laid out his entire setup. "What's all this?"

"That's my homework. Y'see, I had to come up with some stupid story to get him to come over. Think of this as an evil-but-not-really-evil plan. I told the super cute boy to come over because I suck and needed major help with my homework. He, of course, said okay. But instead of doing homework we'll be getting to know each other and boom. We're pretty much in love and married by the end of the day. Well not seriously, hopefully I'll at least get a date with him."

"Ohhhhhh. Sounds like a really complicated plan." Dave nodded proudly. "You're so smart, it'll work for sure! It'll work better than that shower in a can we tried to make!" Dave chuckled at his little brother and nodded. A car door was heard slammed shut outside and soft footsteps approached the small pathway to the front door. Dave gasped and began shooing the younger Strider away.

"C'mon. Go hide away in the room. I promise I'll make it up to you later but right now I really need some time alone with him!" Dirk stumbled into his room and Dave closed the door most of the way shut. "I'm really sorry little dude!" With that, the elder Strider practically ran back to the front door to let the "god-like" kid from his class in.

"Hey Karkat." Dave put on his cool kid facade, leaning against door frame to give it an extra effect. "Find the place okay?" Dave smiled and subtly looked Karkat up and down. His fiery red hair was still an unruly and adorable mess. His freckles perfectly adorned his cheeks and went with his hazel eyes beautifully. The baggy sweater he was wearing only added onto how adorable he looked right now.

"Mhmm. It wasn't that hard considering you gave me excruciatingly clear directions. Down to every last detail. Thanks for that by the way, without you I would've never though to have turned left at the weirdly orange fire hydrant with a bike always leaned next to it." Dave laughed nervously and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Heh, right, uh you're welcome. Well..," he took a step back and opened the door wide open, "come on in. _Mi casa es su casa._ " Karkat snickered and walked on in, thanking Dave quietly and sitting down on the couch.

"Sorry about the huge fudging mess..."

"'Fudging'?" Karkat rose an eyebrow and Dave shrugged nervously.

"Yeah... Sorry. I have a little brother so I kind of censor myself so he doesn't learn those kinds of words until he's older." The other nodded and began pulling his binder out of his little grey backpack. Dave looked off to the side nervously, his leg shaking.

From the hallway, hiding carefully as to not be spotted by the two college students, was Dirk. His eyes were fixated on Dave. He was already bombing big time. If Dave kept this up he'd up with his homework done and wouldn't get married like he had planned. Dirk had to do something, for his brother!

Dirk put on his determined face and marched out into the open and stood bravely in front of a confused Karkat and a slightly panicking Dave. "Hi, I'm Dirk!" Dave bit his lip anxiously and looked at Dirk, mentally screaming.

"Hi Dirk, I'm Karkat." Karkat smiled and extended his hand to shake Dirk's smaller hand.

"I know! Dave talked about you sooooo much before you came in!" Dirk walked around the coffee table and plopped himself down in between Dave and Karkat. The older Strider was desperately trying to hide his embarrassment but the red in his face gave it away.

"Really?" Karkat glanced over at Dave, a small smirk playing on his lips. "What did Dave say?"

"He said you were the baby of all the pretty actors." Karkat snorted. "And that you are Shakespeare's super great grandson. Is that true?" Dave groaned silently as Dirk spoke. He was starting to think that maybe he wouldn't get that date with Karkat like he'd been hoping.

"Well I don't know if it's true but I'll have to look into it. But I wouldn't be surprised if I was but some freak coincidence."

"Okay Dirk... you can go and play in your room now...please. Karkat and I really need to get our work done..."

"Pffft, no you don't! You told me yourself that this was just something you did to get CandyCat in our house!"

"Dirk, for the love of god please be quiet..." Dave wasn't even daring to look within Karkat's general direction. His little brother was embarrassing him to no end. Sadly, Dirk simply ignored Dave's request and turned to Karkat, who was trying to fight the urge to laugh, and spoke.

"My brother wants to marry you today! I think that's why you're here." Karkat couldn't control himself. He burst out laughing from Dirk's adorably hilarious little comments. Dave's face was a nice shade of red by now, though it was hard to tell because his hands covered most of his face. God he just wanted to crawl under the couch and die.

"Oh my god Dave, your brother is hilarious!" Dirk smiled widely, taking that as a compliment. He was completely oblivious to the fact that he had inadvertently spilled Dave's entire plan on winning over the red head from his class, embarrassing him greatly in the process.

The rest of the time Karkat was there, Dirk continued to embarrass his brother, though it effected him a tad bit less than earlier's fiasco. Karkat spent most of his attention talking to the Striders about arbitrary things instead of homework like he had originally came to do. The red head left fairly late that night, soon after Dirk had fallen asleep on the smaller couch opposite to the one they were sitting on.Dave was feeling pretty damn dreadful the entire time. Dirk had just swooped in and stole Karkat's attention and quite possibly ruined his chance at ever getting to call Karkat his boyfriend.

"Listen, I'm _really_ sorry about my brother." The albino mumbled as he walked Karkat to his car. "He's just a little kid and he doesn't really have a filter as to what to say and what not to say..." the other shrugged and unlocked his car door.

"Don't be sorry. And now that I can say this freely without replacing it with the word 'fudging', your little brother is pretty fucking adorable. And so are you." Dave's cheeks flushed with color and his eyes widened a bit. "I know you're probably bummed out that you didn't get to marry me today," Karkat snickered and winked, "but at least you have the honor of taking me out on a date soon."

"I do?" Oh fuck. Dave had a goofy smile on his face as Karkat nodded.

"Mhmm. This was a really fun homework session with you Dave." Karkat kissed the tops of two of his fingers before pressing the two fingers to Dave's cheek. "Have a good night. See you in class." The red head climbed into his car and drove away, leaving Dave to stare after his car with his mouth slightly open and his hand holding the cheek Karkat had indirectly kissed.


End file.
